More Than Just a Sex Coach — Tazima Parris

In today’s episode, I’m joined by empress and pleasure mentor Tazima Parris, and we go deep on being your own caregiver.

Tune in to hear us discuss: 

• The pleasure in being a woman and the call to find your deeper purpose
• Living the intersection of being a Black woman and an immigrant in the US
• The personal and societal harm of assumptions
• Tazima’s journey connecting to pleasure & her pussy
• How getting honest about intimacy improves all our relationships
• The ways sexual shame impacts our society
• Why Tazima likes the word “pussy” (not vagina!)
• & plenty more pleasurable, powerful things

Links & resources:

• Follow Tazima on Instagram @tazimaparris
• Visit Tazima’s website
• Reading recommendations: The Warmth of Other Suns, Sex at Dawn, Sex, Time, and Power
• Follow Mel on Instagram @mel_mcsherry
• Follow the podcast on Instagram @morethanjustpodcast

✨This episode is sponsored by the epic Gina & Elyse of Awake & Soulful. Join them October 21-23 in Sarasota, FL for Illuminate, a 100 woman gathering to liberate our hearts and unleash our unified magic into the planet. Use the code SOULFUL for a special MTJ discount at checkout. And download your free Guided Quantum Visualization today!

🙌 This podcast is supported by listeners like you! If you enjoyed this episode, we'd appreciate it if you could make a donation of any amount at this link. You rock!

Transcript

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Music. Ingest I'm your host Mel mcsherry on this podcast we share how we are more than just descriptors and titles that identify us and our lives our. And our. In the safe common room space you'll hear stories of success and Lessons Learned From Myself and other Misfits entrepreneurs and change makers my intention is to inform connect and expand our knowledge, so we can be mentally emotionally and financially. As we create the change we desire my promise is that from each episode you'll take away not only inspiration and a connection to someone you never knew before but also the encouragement the action steps and Missy. So you can create what you got. Music. Welcome yet to another episode of more than just Melnick Sherry here with again yet another fucking phenomenal person we have in the studio today mrs. tazima Paris tazima how are you. I'm feeling great it's a great fucking great really did like yes I mean it's it's the summer beach beats be Jason's tazima this morning I love it because I love it love it and yeah. I'm so glad that you are here for many reasons so for those of you who are listening I met Susie Matt I want to say about five years ago and I can't remember I mean we are she's another fellow amazing Femme founder here in Chicago, so I think we've just like met each other at multiple things at multiple times and the molten addicted to each other ever since like it's been like it's that thing where like every time we see each other we're like, coffee drinks and whatever like some kind of Beverage we need have a beverage and like tallest and at least like 23 hours because we real there and that is that is one of the things that I love about you that I'm actually really excited about. Just spending time with you and having others kind of listened into this because the conversations that you and I have are always real in-depth like. They're they're deep they're warm they're all the things and I know that we have very similar. You know stories in regards to lease are critical transitions in these last couple years so I'm just I'm super excited to just Dive Right In see where this conversation goes and again take others along with us so let's get things started by my absolute favorite question which is tazima. Actually before I say ask this question random question does anybody call you Taz yes and I hate it I hate I love highly hate it. So so glad I asked yeah there was a moment there was a very short moment short yeah Mom yeah we're Taz got used a lot which was like I had just graduated from college. I had my first like full-time job, bought a house bought a car like was like doing the thing that you do act ultimately you know like what an adult is like my first adulting and like right but I also you know as a Capricorn I have this like. Wise Elder thing but like also young child like energy action going on so like right all Tasmanian Devil thing was happening so like, I had a great had a Tasmanian devil lunch box that I took to my job and like you know I was working in a food production facility so that there was the whole blue-collar aspect of that I was quality control so I was like, the white collar of the blue collars very interesting anyway yeah so yeah for a short time while I worked at at the food production facility that was that short time but. Yeah I otherwise I really hate it like my name is tazima like. People can get away with t sometimes sometimes but like it has to be a specific person but like I said you can say three syllables they're pretty simple yeah perfect this is why I asked in this is why everybody should always ask when it comes to Nick Jones and or any other identifiers yeah yeah and so and then the other thing is people want to add extra syllables to my name. Ta zi ma six syllable six letters three syllables and people want it to be Tanzania. Tasmania, you see the TAC and then they fill in the rest they're just like sure and I'm like yeah no are or or then I become Fatima Fatima is a regular one and I'm like yeah don't don't get don't get fancy. Tazima SAS on the Z SAS on the beach just then you got nothing ready. Xena do you think you got it love it but I always get called Michelle. For some reason I don't know why yeah yeah anyway back to the other conversation so onto the other probably more important question. Tazima what would you say is your main title or descriptor and how are you more than just that. I'm claiming empress. As my main title and also and also sex coach and pleasure Mentor so you know like, a tazima and then hand her shirt pleasure to meet ya I'm interested and more than that is I identify as a woman and, I also identify as someone who is like proudly gladly. Surrendered to honored by the fact that I have a vulva a pussy like I just it's fantastic. That alone being endowed with a pussy in this lifetime and I like this lifetime I don't want to live in any other time like people are like oh would have been so good to be around such a sudden I'm like no it's this is an amazing time to be alive. There's so many amazing energetic opportunities so many amazing like physical opportunities. So many times that we can that because of what's Happening currently, that I'm being I am personally being called to what's the greater thing that I'm here to do like it's not just it's it's more than just like Oh I'm a woman so that means I have to be outraged by people trying to roll back, you know constitutional rights I should be like that's a should and I'm like yeah yes and. There are some other things going on there's some other things going on for me personally things that I'm working on things that I want to have and if. Don't show up for myself I can't even show up and be useful in the protest or useful in the you know fundraising or useful in the care that someone might need at this time if I don't care for me. Bend I can't show up and so I think even though I have you know a couple of titles that I rolled out for you you know just a moment ago I'm so much more and I think the biggest piece. The biggest most important aspect for me at this time is to be tazima caregiver. Like caregiving for tazima like how can I be the best at that. And then everything else is going to come because I mean guaranteed my Baseline operating is, better than a lot of people's like but I because it is it's just better than a lot of people's best effort it just it yeah like if I come and I'm committed to a project the quality of that project is going to be high what I'm delivering yeah it's going to be excellent, cuz that's just my default setting and that's not that's not me pumping myself up that's just like I know how much I care about my work yeah I'm in alignment with the assignment that I got, that star star seed assignment that I got you know I'm like okay here we go I'm about to do it I'm doing it fine you said sex fine I'm going for it we're going there and I love first just to go back a second I love that you have already mentioned that you know, being a woman. In this day and age one is powerful and beautiful and amazing and 2 does not mean that we need to always be. In the front lines for everything that has to deal with with us in our sex. And I'm sure that actually resonates with a lot of adjectives here right a lot of different cultures a lot of different. People that are being put in the Forefront of media and all of that that now we have this. Almost like it's it is labor but it's like this weight that like oh fuck now I have to step it up and. Be vocalized for so far from for me being a white woman of privilege like. I need to or I should that term I should and I talked about this on several episodes just needs to like stop. Because you don't need to should anything like stop I think those line is stuff shouldn't on yourself stop shouldn't what, yeah it's what do you have the capacity for for you right now because if you over extend an overwhelmed just because you tick a box that's helping, nothing. Promise you promise you and I will I will underscore that idea specifically on being a black woman. In America at this time and I specifically called myself a black woman like let's talk titles again I specifically call myself a black woman because I'm not American, I sound like I'm American and I am an immigrant I've been here since I was two I became naturalized two weeks to the day. In 2008 after after President Obama was elected I was so mad I was so mad that I didn't get to vote for. Mr. Barack Obama the first time but I found it on the ether several times I was like only gotten two weeks after I became a citizen on a Tuesday two weeks after the election I was pissed but it was fine things worked out as my belief my vote counted. Energetically and then later but yeah so so as a black woman in America like as an immigrant as a person who like I have an identity, that's not as closely routed to a slave narrative in this country. So I we have our own thing going on like there's a whole other set of things going on in Guyana right South America yes Guyana South America not gonna Africa so people get that confused sometimes let's be specific so I'm Caribbean culture and so I have that hole, identity. Thread that is in my blood and you know those traditions and bringing my experience of knowing myself and having sort of a self-awareness that is different than, black Americans like I get lumped and I get asked to or expected to know certain things and I'm like yeah no. Like soul food not really my jam like I I couldn't tell you where there's a good Soul Food place I don't know the good you know blues or jazz places in fact you probably know more than that like you you real or the person who's asking me if you're asking me about blues and jazz in Chicago. Then you probably know more about it than I do because I don't right, because it's just not in my culture like it's not like I didn't grow up with it I'm literally discovering Alice Coltrane this week like past 7 days it's been me and Alice Coltrane I've been like girl like what you doing like ma'am ma'am you are on some transcendental musical experience ma'am you know so so. There's this thing in this culture and I'm sure it happens in other cultures as well like other places on the planet of where people expect you to you are what you look like. Like there's so much assumption, about who we are because of what we look like and we get into trouble around gender because of that we get into trouble around you know people socio and economic status people get dead over what they look like so so. I will say this briefly when all the shit started going down and hitting the fan in 2020 like so seriously there were so many people who were looking to me. As a person to speak on whatever was going on because I may have been the only or one of the only black people that some of my some of these contacts new. And I was like nope nope nope yeah I'm responsible for me if you want to do research you get to do that research, I'm not your encyclopedia there's Google hmm there are it's free space for missing there are many many pundits that are saying opinions about this you don't need mine right you can do research. And you can learn right along with me because I was learning. I read a fantastic book called warmth of other Suns and it's about the great migration of black people out of the South into the north Northeast. The Midwest and out to California fantastic book. I found out this is new in for this was new information for me this happened during the pandemic I listen to this book during the pandemic warmth of other Suns and. This woman helped me to understand how very similar. The people in the north the black people in the North End out west are two immigrants to this country black immigrants to this country were, very similar where the similar kind of like often Highly Educated often upwardly mobile but had a ceiling for whatever reason the people who left were the more outgoing ones and there was there is this there's no back door on this like you have to fucking make it, or else you're either dead or you're deported like mmm that's a that's some real. You can't go back when you can't go back like. You know it's very it's a very very different situation so I found some correlations there that I hadn't seen before even in all of the, 40-something years I had already been on the planet / been in the state's like I didn't I never knew yeah so yeah my curiosity, helps me understand something new and I think that's that's clutch in general it's the Curiosity right but it's a curiosity to where you take the initiative to. Do the study Aid and to I know like do the work now is so overused since 2828 it's not up to anybody and. Again that Assumption of what we look like equates what we know. And what we do know that it's like it's it's just so true and it's so interesting because it's. It's so little in the fact that all you have to do is just not assume and have a conversation. But how simple isn't you not assume something and just go into talking to somebody to just. Talk instead of like I don't know it's yeah that's probably a whole, another path that we will probably awesomely do as some point because there is so much correlation there with with sex with gender with race with all of that. And we will talk about that but I want to comment Circle it back to you because this is the tazima hour. First of all your energy and your connection to yourself to your pussy to your energy is like palpable. And I'm sure people would love to know and I would too because I always love hearing more of people stories. Has that always been the case like what's been your journey to connecting to all of these facets of tazima when you say has it been always been that way I will say yes and. And the reason I say yes and no is because I have I've been navigating this really weird. Four-way split it's the best way I can explain it of like how I grew up specifically around sexual sensual energy. And sexual sex sensuality and sexuality so for all those aspects. There's this weird four-way split that I grew up with so for American people who are not that familiar with Caribbean culture I will let you know it is both. Christian and super sexy. Like it's a super sexy culture like everything's really sexy like be sexy but also believe in God and believing in God means like. Conservatism in Behavior speech mannerisms it's a British colony so there's that whole like overlay of properness Keeping Up Appearances so you have that aspect. And we're of African descent and booty shaking is universal and it took you take from time there was a drum there was an ass Shakin like hello. That's what it does like the drums and a shakes like that's what you do it's natural and, when in order to shake one's ass you have to be in contact with your pelvis you have to be present with it you have to know what it's doing you so your ability to and the dance we call everyone you know from time you grow up and you can stand up you learn to Wine which is that is what the dance is called that we do and you know people will try to call it twerking I'm like it's not working it's whining like I've been whining since I was since I could stand up you know I'm saying so love it. So be sexy and then as I came into my puberty it was be sexy don't have sex mmm be sexy don't have sex. Be sexy don't have sex okay great like learn how to dance be like the sexy dancer because you have to be able to show your skills you gotta show right. Like this is your this is your time you know you're gonna get out there you're gonna do your thing and you're on showcase right so there's that, but don't have sex right so that's the at-home split that guy could be seen at all I don't know Matt so there's my teeth, check teenage so then teenage friends like you know kind of pre-pubescent puberty teen you know trying to you know make your way in the world trying to have friends right thing so I go to the dance and I learned how to dance from my mother so, right so if she doesn't know what I'm doing so I'm like yeah I'm gonna go to the dance you know I remember specifically it was it was I was like an eighth grade or something you know like filling myself like I'm going to the dance watch out right, I go to the dance and I try to do the dance that I've been doing since I was little which is really sexy and the kids called me fast. They called me fast like like basically like a code word for a hoe and I was like right damn so I shut down sexy so but. At the same time like. I have a booty I've always had a booty and so I was getting some attention and so there's this pressure and like I had a couple friends who are having sex a couple friends who are not having sex, you know and you know I was like in my space of like hmmm and so I like there's this pressure to have sex. But not be don't be fast don't be a ho don't be so like wait what so you have this like conflict of like the sexy but don't have sex have sex but not too much sex but don't be too sexy the like it's because then people will think you're a ho no matter whether you're having sex or not. Right and yet your culture is. Like what if its foundations is to be sexy forgot. Let me be clear don't be sexist don't be sex or forgotten be sexy so that you can attract a husband so that you can consummate your marriage okay I got you appropriate like you're also demonstrating I am a good candidate. Right I got the head so I got married I can birth the babies yeah it's just got it. It's a mind fuck it's a total fucking mine Funk it's very, so part of the reason that I kind of became like this kind of Secrets expert because I wasn't I didn't grow up thinking I'm gonna be a sex pert when I grow up I'm gonna be a sex educator I wasn't thinking that shit when I was younger I was just like I'm just trying to figure this thing out like this person is telling me this and that these other people are telling me this and that I can't make heads or tails of it, so like what the fuck is the truth and how did we get here and because I'm asked I have a scientific mind I'm curious about stuff just in general I want to know and also I had like this spiritual Curiosity on top of that I really want to know like what's what's the real deal like what's what's what is the Divine Creator actually telling us through all of these all of this stuff that we have because it's a definitely a mixed bag even my personal experience as a hugely missed mixed bag and so I was like well how do I reconcile all of these things so that I don't go nuts. How do I do it how do I do my life so I'm not nuts. That's literally all I was trying to figure out I was like I mean I know what y'all are doing but like that's not working for me like the abstinence thing just not really right yes it's not really my style yeah, no purity ring for this one, I need to try before I buy. We're on the same page so so to come to come back around to your question so have I always been this way no have I always been curious about sex. Fuck yeah because of this weird-ass situation that I was in right so I studied like the spiritual aspect and like what was Mary's story like why did why why was Eve cast out and why is Mary the Savior as a virgin and like wait what and how did how did people get made from a you know woman is from a rib and like God is acting without any other forces like what that doesn't even make sense. Creation Theory wise because. Pretty much every traditional creation myth had a feminine deity birthing the world or like whatever and there's you're telling me now there's a male God and he creates a man and then magically there's a fucking woman. But also later on there's you know we discovered that there's a whole other land of humans outside of the garden of like, so I'm just trying to figure out like what's what's really going on with. What are you trying to say here and I do appreciate the authors of the Bible for the spiritual truths there are Universal truths in the Bible it's not all bullshit like just let's be clear on that. There is a lot of wisdom there it's beautiful and like the creation stories are confusing and our current perception of how we're dealing with sex it doesn't make a whole lot of sense and then I did the science research on it there's a fabulous book called sex at dawn really wonderful book that talks about all the ways all these theories about how we might have. Emerged as the social creatures and our sexualities role in that like what were the origins of how are sexually sexuality showed up there's another fantastic book called sex time and Power and that one actually talks about like the intimate interlocking roles of, the male and the female because like how and but through the lens of biology fascinating I'm not going to go into it here but super fascinating puppet both of those books links in the show notes yes I had Yanti them down and putting those in bye. I really like that yeah yeah so between and there are many many others but but I studied the science of like the physiology of our and biology of like how we're engaging and why we have this kind of funny interlocking and why the roles are showing up the way that they're showing up and yeah it totally makes sense for men to handle their needs because they need their hunters and if their needs are not handled they can't get the meat for the tribe so that the tribe can live and if women are neglectful of their offspring then there's no babies like it totally makes sense but when we take the rolls and exploit them. And and skew them way out to the ends and have no space for the middle ground and for people who fall in the middle then we're lost it's a problem so I'm saying a lot of things but like, that's this is the soup that I'm in as I'm pursuing not only my own sexual and sensual freedom but also as I teach and support my clients and there's because all of that stuff builds into it it's not just like oh you and your own personal world like there's a whole culture. Of humans that contributed to who we are right now. And how can we take that and own it for ourselves is my really my biggest question. Always I love with me and that's such a great question because. I know that you and I have talked before but against you to have others privy to our conversations these, roles and expectations right that we get taught as young girls for those who identify as a girl when they're growing up. You know you get married at 20 21 you have the 2.5 kids I grew up in a Seventh-Day Adventist household so you know my mom's role she did she worked. But it was also you know she cooks she took care of the family and you know my dad owned his businesses and he did his thing and from. You know from an outside perspective we looked perfect quote unquote because my parents are still together they're in a very loving relationship you know my brothers married I'm kind of the black sheep because I'm the divorced one that now goes by she they and yada yada but it is a little bit more it is that starting off point mine fuck of. You learn by example from what you had good or bad or indifferent and then that gets almost imprinted on what you on the choices you think you need to make. In order to achieve what we think we need to achieve as women and women identify partners. And then when you get to a certain point where it just go you just go wait what and you feel what. Lost right like it's really discombobulating I expressly say is the best is the best word. Do you remember and maybe you didn't have like a specific moment maybe it was kind of a conglomerate thanks but did you ever have a specific moment where you realize. How discombobulated you were and what was kind of that reprogramming like what was the start of that kind of reprogramming for yourself if you had that experience. I've had several moments discombobulation a one-time deal people it's always it's about Evolution Blair's there is there's like there's like oh this layer 0 this layer 0 this layer got it, right okay got it I got it I got it I got it I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you my personal and then professional for specifically on, sort of sexuality so my personal experience with you know reassessing and you know fill in discombobulated was. I did things right by the way I did them right and I'm using the air quotes I did things right. I graduated from college I checked all the boxes graduated from college which by the way wasn't. I wasn't the first person I've had people ask me if I'm the first person in my family to have a degree no my grandmother had multiple degrees like. No I come from a family of educated motherfuckers like, right it's girl that never assume people never assume she's slow anyway so did the degree graduated. Got a job in the in the field that I graduated in and got married shortly after I graduated and all that and we were on our way to having the 2.5 kids, that guy was we had a little pause because I'm very practical we had a pause because he wasn't done with his degree and I was like yeah not gonna be the breadwinner. And make babies also, you're going to have to finish so that we can do this thing right right so that took a little longer than either of us expected and so I was like yes so it wasn't the only issue but it was one of the issues I was like yeah so. I can't keep in you know in definitely waiting on you to finish. I actually don't care necessarily about the degree if you wanted to start a business that's cool fine so we ended up getting divorced because you know. I was like I'm out and like I said there were some other issues as well and I was like okay let me get out of here and then I was like so this first question that came up was like okay. There's this rule about me just having sex with one person like what if I had multiple. Sexual partners maybe not all the same time maybe maybe not but certainly maybe later maybe group sex later maybe I might be maybe we'll see. But I was really like, is it against a rule like for me to have sex with more than one person I was like no there are definitely people who are having sex with more than one person but like how does one go about that so that was the first like kind of mmm let me break out because I was a serial monogamist. Hmm, and like so it was just like one relationship after another and like sometimes it was a little overlap I'm breaking up with you now I'm seeing another person like with like right but not all never did the sexuality cross over like so sex acts didn't cross over I was like no like I'm stopping with you and now I'm doing this like, we're broken up and now I get to have sex with this person whatever yeah so so that was the question and so I found out that indeed you can in like no sex police show up some bust you act like. It's fun too much fun much. What do you mean no one shall only Spirit exactly exactly. Oh the Holy Spirit was President a few of those acts certainly hey yes yes, that was the big Yogi as that's that was in like height of yoga time like I was like yeah come on this is let's get this Kundalini Rising baby. Oh I was such a hippie is great so I'm still heavy it's so yeah so few years after my divorce I was in California and I learned about orgasmic meditation which was a paired sexuality practice where there's it's clear stroking there's Cliff stroke involved we can talk about it later like just it's a great practice it's a meditative practice it's also a sexual practice at the same time, super tone down so if you think of Tantra this is like way simplified and, shorter like to say it's a 15-minute price I was fantastic tonight bite-sized get ya get it and that opened up a whole other. Realm not just in sexuality but with honesty and vulnerability and intimacy and telling the truth and really asking for what I wanted and like actually getting it and practicing having really high quality sex sex communication and having intimate friendships so not just intimacy with sexual relationships but like being really honest with my friends and being like what you said hurt. And like I I feel there's some distance in our connection right now after this event, what happened there or this is what I need to say so starting to have that with my platonic friends and so now raising my standard with my friendships no we're not just coffee klatch and you know drinks and you know happy hour it's like no for real, like what was up with this thing like I feel something funky in our energy space like what happened here and so really being honest and you know having people share honestly with me and so that was my kind of personal come to Jesus sexual moment open and intimacy I love it I love doing that because it really is it really is and you know I believe wholeheartedly deeply that that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were you know they were like. They were intimate friends in Miami ways like I can commit friends and I completely honor that like I think it's dope like, I don't think it cheapens their relationship if they if it was also sexual, because it was certainly Divine and there's that it's not an either-or we don't have to be binary about it yes yes we don't like it's not that it's the same its yeah the term intimacy I think people get tripped up on. I am definitely like correct me if I'm wrong but when somebody says intimacy I think everybody's natural inclination is to go to the sexual side. And it's so much deeper that because I love that you just mentioned you with intimacy with your friends like intimacy is way more. Then sex it's that deeper connection and do you think that that's not well yeah I'm going to say it like it is cheap and in that word. Do you think that has been one of the many contribute contributions or to how women especially are women identified people. Why they have such different views on sex and relationships like how do you think words like that have just been way too. Compartmentalized right sky like the more than just like the reason why I did I started this podcast because there's more to intimacy than just sex and is that something that you that you talked a lot about what I know we're going to get your business side but is that something that you think has contributed to where we are today as sexual humans who identify as women yes yes and I love that you brought up this implied meaning of the word intimacy I'm going to add pleasure, to that. Both pleasure and intimacy are associated with sex and not necessarily in the holistic beautiful way it's because of the shame that we have in this Society that those words are used as a euphemism for sex so that people don't have to say sex, so that they can stay like innocent and it's not right. Like that's why those words are associated yeah that's why those words are associated they're used as euphemisms for sex because we can't talk about sex because of the sexual shame. Mmm that's a layer that we're not discussing and so so indeed, when we talk about intimacy when we talk about pleasure I have to specifically say intimacy with my friends pleasure that is non-sexual because we're so stuck on well and it also and that's fucked up also it speaks to how fucked up it is for our society that intimacy is taboo. That pleasure is taboo it has everything to do with sexual shame and what do we lose in our society when intimacy and pleasure are taboo but violence. Is piped into our living room right every single day it follows us around hatred is broadcast. Everywhere hmm. In the form of all kinds of not only microagressions but also active aggression. Toward all kinds of people who aren't who don't fit the white male heteronormative script. So if you have this super fucking narrow experience of business and commerce and, productivity, and getting shit done and making money and like and you know these and this is mine and not yours and ownership and and power and control. You got all of these things that are that are upheld as the most important stuff. Hmm and then feminine values like pleasure intimacy care compassion empathy. Are in the fucking gutter sets output sensuality with that are illegal mmm criminalized. The most beautiful Concepts on our planet are criminalized and criminals walk free and are rewarded. Mmm, come on people like right what is happening so like we need like it's literally all of that stuff all of those values boils down to if you take it to the very very most basic. Most basic common denominator with all of that stuff that's going on is sexual shame I promise you if we handled sexual shame. Our planet would be a different place this is part of why I do what I do, because I promise you those motherfuckers who are trying to get all of the Power and money for themselves and not giving a fuck about other people promise you they have some sexual shame or insecurity I 100% promise you. I haven't been in their bedrooms but I promise you they are really trying to show off their dick. Or their dick in the form of a roll of money and by the way I have nothing against money money is fantastic money enhances Who You Are, so if you're a fucking asshole it's going to enhance your asshole diary if you're a Divine being it's going to enhance your ability to spread your divinity like that's all it is it just isn't it's like salt it's like salt it enhances whatever your flavor is money is like salt it enhances your natural flavor yes you're putting that. Automatic because it's so true that's so brilliant. Hey friend like in the episode Pretty epic isn't it. Well guess what this episode and all others have been made possible by financial support and contributions from listeners like. So if you would like to continuously here how these. More than just go ahead and head over to our GoFundMe and make a contribution cool alright let's get back to the magic, do you are talking about your professional flip right yeah so let's let's talk about that because you you have a mission you have a purpose it is, divide an epic and beautiful so let's go back to that That Flippin your professional and your professional yeah. So I'll start with being an accidental, he's I feel like that's the like conservatives nightmare as they just like fell into a sexy like 00 robbed or like politely closes the door like that, I took a left but dang I didn't know they end up here I didn't take a left I did take a left so today I want to be super honest and honor my path and my path has been deeply and authentically guided, by Spirit my curiosity my desire to know myself. Mmm so I continued to seek out opportunities so that I could know myself better so I've done a shit ton of personal growth I've done a shit ton of, you know programs and special events and enhancing and learning and growing and LOL all the things right. So part of that was learning so I learned orgasmic meditation and I learned how to like, consciously have sex with multiple people ethical non-monogamy I learned how to be in that community and then I. I found out later that the practice that I was doing was something that I wanted to teach and I was. Similar to when I was a yoga teacher I had I taught yoga for four years without being certified because people were like, you're a dope teacher like I just started kind of giving tips in the class that I was in because I understood something about yoga and I was like oh it's just this like you do this if you do this like LOL and the way I explained that people could get it and so I started out subbing someone's class and then like getting another you know job Bubba blah. But during this time when I was becoming an entrepreneur and starting to teach yoga and all this stuff and then eventually going to learn and to be a sex coach through orgasm meditation. Even before I did that people were already coming to me asking about hey I'm dating this guy like what do you think about this or like I'm feeling weird about the sex like or what about the what about the sacral chakra like what's up with that what about the heart chakra I'm like yo we're talking literally about like yes we're talking about the chakras but y'all are asking some very specific questions about sex relationship and I'm like okay Universe I hear you I hear you but. I can't be a sex coach because you set me up with the parents, you say you know who my dad is okay you know. You set it up so I was like fine I'll try it so I joined the program to become a sex coach, when I launched my business in 2015 the the official sex coaching business in 2015 because I was still dragging my fucking feet in 2013 and 14 promise you I was like yeah I'll secretly do it I would like plans super small super small like nope. I can't it's illegal so so I it's illegal because that's what I was taught it's illegal to be factual it's illegal to be sexual like don't do it so yeah I was I was like okay well let me follow this curiosity and so so I launched the program, 2015 Big Year I was like yeah let me do it doing it go go go do it so I did it I was like Yay, later I was like oh wait a second huh right. I am hiding because I came back to the Midwest I was out in California and like sex coach of Plenty out there like not a big deal here in Chicago. People are like what now you teach what now and I was like yes I thinks it's a sexuality practice what would the what now so I was like oh well maybe I need to dial it back and do relationship coaching so I. Branded myself as a sex and intimacy coach literally coding it for I'm a relationship coach that is safe to talk about sex. Ray and then so I did that for several years a good solid six years thinking yeah I'm living my best life and like by the way. The business was doing okay I had some Peaks and spikes and here you know this that and the other and you know and every time I had a peak or a spike, in growth of my business or growth of my my client base or whatever was every time I got into a new. Space of vulnerability. Every single time that I was revealing more about who I actually am in the truth of my experience that's when the business group. The end of last year I was so disillusioned like I was I was going through you know a breakup and you know just everything that goes with that getting a new place and it's just a whole bunch of things and I was like I I have no interest in talking to anybody about their fucking dating profile I don't give a fuck about their fucking dating Pro I don't care. Because what I know about a woman in contact with her pussy or a person who has a vulva being in contact with their sexual energy as it is as it comes through a womb and a vulva. Mmm that's what I want to talk about that I want those people. Who are pussy owners to know the power that they possess and to tap into it and be in alignment with it and see the magic that happens. That's what I want to talk about and so taking off the mask, of relationship coach that was like my kind of safety Shield that I just had as a protective and like it was like respectability politics and like there was that part of it and like what will my parents think and like I'm keeping relationships together by doing what I'm doing like that was literally the line that I was using to justify to my dad why I felt like I could be a good sex coach like like my life is Michael signings. My life is not does not boil down to justifying my existence to my dad. Mmm but that's what it had been for some period of time and I was like yeah like no I don't want to do that anymore so. You know this podcast some other recordings that I have now have me talking about all kinds of things in my life my personal life the things that the things that I have done. Putting it all out there why not because I want to brag or not because I want to say oh I've done all this stuff you should be jealous are you should do what I do I'm not saying that at all I'm saying I followed my curiosity my curiosity led me to a certain few things and my desire for my own sovereignty and freedom is what led me to where I am right now and next week I don't know what's going to happen next month next year next decade I'm not sure but right now this is where I am and I'm continuing to do this because it feels so good to align with the thing that that is divinely inspired and I feel a deep resonance with it and I'm fucking good at it like, yeah these were the gifts that were installed into this body in this lifetime this is my Cosmic contract because it feels right not because it is morally right or is like fuck a morality morality is arbitrary at best. Arbitrary at best but aligned and divinely guided and harmonious to the highest. And best possible good that I can contribute on this Earth I absolutely know that I am there and I don't need anyone's permission to be there. Mmm so good and there's so. I love it because first of all listeners follow your curiosity like I'm going to write that on my whiteboard because. If any of us look back to when we were the most proud of ourselves the most connected to ourselves no matter how short or long live that was it was because we made a choice based on us which was based off of a curiosity, right that connected us to our strengths. So and this is again one of the reasons why I wanted to create this podcast is because there is just so much more. Then what we are taught we are capable of especially as entrepreneurs what we should do what we need to do to create business it's like, don't don't subscribe to that you need to make decisions on your own that work best for you and you don't learn everything at once you learn something in a spot that is that helps you let go of what you need to let go of receive what you need to receive and then that next step is presented to you and you take who you are now this 2.0 2.5 3.0 whatever version you're on. And you take them to the next level and you see. What now you can receive because you have learned this from before so for those of you are listening who are feeling right now either. Ashamed or behind or anything like that whether that is personally professionally or conglomerate of everything. You're not you really. Art it's that awareness of where you are and knowing what you want and then that Curiosity of how to like connect the two. That's where that magic happens and that connectivity that you have that is really. Unshakable I mean you and I are very similar in the fact that we've both come to a space where. We now are confident in our curiosity and in our decisions and in ourselves and the beauty that has come to us the mental the emotional the financial profitability that has come to us because. We have done this work it does happen and I liked I want that to be. Expressed louder and prouder by everybody because this messy middle or this continuous Journey that all of us are on never ends. And this shame that we carry on what we didn't know back then it's like no but now you know so now that you have this new information what new decisions can you make for you in this, Direction I want to I want to underscore something that you're saying there we have this perception about life. That it's just supposed to, always be going up up up and we're supposed to get some Pinnacle experience and then we die, okay both life and orgasm art not like that at all like a build they build that there's twists and turns like, there's multiple lives like there's multiple orgasm if you're not having multiple orgasms you might need to see a. Just saying although it's not reality this info will be in the show notes it's yeah it's rough I got you if you want to have one orgasm. If you want to have better anyway it's like we have this perception like oh we're just supposed to know everything already like know you. Had childlike curiosity and no information when you were young and then when you get older you have like you're supposed to be this adult with no childlike curiosity you're supposed to know everything you're supposed to know the way to do everything like no you're still learning there's still more to do there still and like if you just think about it like if you're going somewhere. Say you're driving anywhere rather that's the grocery store of your regular riding your bike or walking whatever whatever mode of transportation you're taking if you're moving your physical body from one place to another, they're going to be some places where you can't see what's next even if you're on the in the plains of central Illinois, the place where I had my first job and went to school and there's corn fields or soybeans for the far as the eye can see you still can't see around the globe you can't see past a certain space you have to get over there to see what's next so similarly in our lives I'm going to say it's slightly disrespectful but I'm going to take a little petty break okay there's there's a way that. My marriage was a corner that I had to turn this my second marriage was a corner that I had to turn to see the next thing I had to have that specific experience to be equipped for this leg of my life. Yep it's a blessing I got no hate for for that man I have no hate for the my first husband like both of them. We're experiences that I had to have in order. To be able to have the equipment and the wisdom and the knowing the body-based knowing the experiential knowing not just the you know I have an information. No it's the actual experiential. Lived situation that gave me the skills to do the next leg, gave me the skills to do the next leg and people can look at any challenging situation I promise you if you look at it outside of a victim lens, you know the victim lens says all these terrible things happen to fuck that person not a lot I hate you like. If you look at it like in that victim space you're not going to get the blessing, the blessing is you have been given some skills and experience you know yourself better if you if you are available, to that information and that's that's one of the biggest things that I that I hold for myself I do teach it sometimes when people can hear it but I got to teach him some other stuff first so that they can hear it right any of its to those who are listed right now they're like yeah easy for you to say your pass through it yes because, you have passed through it so with that said honor where you are yeah we're not trying to Pollyanna anybody's situation or what they have currently gone through or are going through or have gone through, it is that when you are ready and you have. The mental emotional capacity the you know the support whether that is from somebody like you know 20 or a friend or whatever for you too. Process it on that next level whenever that comes to you that is beautiful there is no. Timing with anything I mean. Shit that I've gone through 30 you know 30 years ago or 20 years ago, I didn't realize affected me until I went through a session with one of my my spiritual coaches and it came up and I was just like oh oh that's yeah still there yeah cool cool cool and so. This pressure that we have on ourselves to figure it out to get through it too I know I should too Bulba. Your journey is yours and yours alone. And it's honoring your process your timing and we are all on the we are all designed going you know human design I talked a lot about that. We are designed to process these things differently so never copy and paste somebody's experience whether that's you know. Yours or any other episode because there's a lot of similar stories in the fact that it was a process. And honoring that that you have to hurry the fuck up or do whatever no no just know that there is another side because. Those different pieces that we have gone through and we're going to go through some more I promise you. I promise you I promise you yeah it never has got me some shit there's gonna be some shit that's going down there are many of us who have been there done that and can at least on that side of it. Support you right. So how do you let's let's let's really get into the specifics of your pussy power because let me tell you I could have this this episode could be like four hours long but how how do you now facilitate. And. Guide by you know again using the lessons that you've learned how how do you guide other women in humans with a vulva to embrace the power of their pussy yeah first of all. What you called this organ is really important it's not a vagina. I want to make a clarification a distinction that the vagina is the hallway. From the womb to the outside world it's a hallway mmm it gets the attention. That it gets and it gets called the name it the rest of the organs get compressed into the vagina because that is the part that men. Stick their penises into and brings them pleasure I learned something new today so. If you get inclusive and you call it I like the word pussy the reason I like the word pussy is because it has electricity. That honors the electricity inherent and the energy inherent in the pussy okay, mmm it's a little controversial with which a pussy is she's worse best little spicy you know. And and it also is a soft word, you know vulva is kind of soft as well but it's a little boring it's a little like a little clumsy it's accurate. It's accurate the outside the outside organs for a person with vulva is the vulva so you know the labia and the clitoris and all that stuff but like the pussy is all inclusive the pussy includes not just the outside but the clitoris on the inside it includes the vagina which is the space when people. The ten percent of women who have reported that they can have vaginal orgasms vaginal stimulation only. I suspect that part of the stimulation that's happening. Is happening in other areas not the specific vagina itself which is just the hallway there are all kinds of nerve endings nerve clusters that are around in different places on the inside of the vagina but if you don't know that you can't direct a partner or a probe to that place if you don't know that you can't. So so that's the reason I use that vocabulary is so that pleasure gets placed where it deserves to be is in the body of the person who has the organ. Not in the person who's getting pleasure from the body of the person who has the organs can we talk about that ownership and sovereignty and yes okay yes 100%. So like even the our conversation around it has to shift so that we can access the pleasure available to us, Preamble check now you taking Cree copious notes like yeah no dad copious and so next is how do you how do you embody that how do you show up for it how do you create that for yourself how do you you know how do you. Do the thing where you're activating. The the power of the pussy hmm I'm those listening not watching a video like I'm doing like this jiggle thing like why didn't because it's about movement, okay yeah Stillness is lives in the masculine end of the of our Spectrum movement. And especially like Meandering like a river like go side to side literally the way our hips are made like we have these you know wider hips like that movement of the hips when we're walking, like that's that feminine if you have a rigid walk you're not accessing your full power so when you liberate the hips to do the what people call switching or that sway of the hip and then the having and this is not to say that skirts are better but skirts do enhance like that movement they keep the flow moving all the way down the legs okay it's not a prescription I'm just saying like. When something is attached to them hips is going to do what this are doing it right okay so accessing movement fluid movement. Coming to the conscious awareness that a womb. The cervix specifically the womb specifically the the uterus specifically is the location. Where. A being moves from non-physical into physical it is where the spirit is called in. There is tremendous power in that I'm not saying make a baby. But this is the location where the unmanifest becomes manifest by the way the sacral chakra which is associated with our creative Center. Big wow okay it's the creative Center shocking shocking it is also associated with our womb space the uterus so that sacral chakra is a little bit above the root chakra for. Women and vulva owners pussy have others that your sexual energy is a little bit higher. It's not just in the route the genitals of a man that the balls and testicles are lower that doesn't mean we're closer to the Divine it does mean that our energy has more access to spirituality literally cuz it's closer to our spirit higher spiritual centers we have the capacity to hold. The Divine and the mundane in our bodies. Like mmmm are you kidding me you don't have to ask for that permission to have that power you just have to bring awareness to it and you also don't need to bring awareness to it. You don't have to a lot of people don't and when you do you get to have some more access. To the knowing that comes through that Divine knowing that comes through so I like. Some people are not going to get what I'm saying and that's cool right for those who do like just get just get that. And once you bring that awareness like you like oh I've got the cosmos. In my underwear or not underwear you know in my in my pelvic Bowl I mean not everyone wants their underwear not everyone is overrated so so to know that you have a portal to the Divine in your pelvic bowl like that's pretty pretty fucking spectacular. Bright and it's more. David against you go back to let's let's make sure that people are not narrowing this down on their own this is more than great sex this is more than. Sexual pleasure its receipt it is more than that so even just that you know tapping into the. Cosmic power and potential that you already naturally have and then you can choose to access that power and utilize it that utilize that power in any format that you see fit that's what. That's what that's about it's Rocket Fuel you have a tap of rocket fuel on you have rocket fuel on tap. Mmm and to be fair men have their own rocket fuel it's called testosterone testosterone is some fantastic fucking shit it's fantastic. But for people who don't have testicles. That testosterone that pushed that drive that testosterone produces naturally in people with testicles like. Do people who don't have testicles the people who have vulvas our adrenal glands are what produce testosterone and what is the the biggest. Hormonal imbalance in this Society of people with vulvas adrenal fatigue yeah number one it's the number one hormonal imbalance why is that because we're trying to do the thing that we cannot do without harming ourselves this is so much more than orgasms like I'm glad you mentioned that because I am a sex coach but like this shit is so deep like it's good being your sexual your sexuality doesn't like go you can't put it away when you show up for work you can't put it away when you're with your family you can't put it away its always present, but if you are shaming it you can't access the energy that's in it so for vulva owners for people who identify as women and have uteruses and vulvas and vaginas and clitorises when you have all that equipment you have like you don't have to, I would highly recommend that you tap into the turn on that you can get from knowing. That spiritual aspect that energetic aspect I don't I'm not saying like you have to become like a. You know Tantra a specialist or like you have to do some press that Eric practices I'm real practical I like to do a whole bunch of stuff whole bunch of complicated shit I don't like it, I don't have time for it I'm not a monk I'm not a sex monk like I'm not do it I need it to fit into my life I want to go to the beach and have some drinks you know for whatever like and it's delicious like yes it's fighting its customizing it right but you don't know you can't customize it and chill you know what works for you and what you need. Fight there are some people who get into that I have a friend she's totally a nun. Of like she might have a relationship she might not like what she's good with that I'm a different person like I need to have my leg. Physical reality shit going on like you know like it's not all ether all the time for me so. So yes I am a sex coach and orgasms can come but like the orgasms that even the better orgasms come from that Curiosity and tapping into the energy that already exists. You just gotta beat become aware of it there's a Wellspring Wellspring of energy but you got to feed it with pleasure you got to feed it with honesty and vulnerability all the scary things that our society wants to diminish and say are bad, and that are dangerous those are actually the things that fuel the feminine. So when we're not fueled we get disempowered and then we need programs called women's empowerment program my cousin ocean we don't need a woman's empowerment program if you just knew who you were I give you guys know who you are. We got another tangent of like yeah what now I mean yeah, yeah it isn't perfect it's just a bunch of yes people at a weird yeah any Hooter there's so many takeaways from this like it's insane and. I don't even need to you know summarize and wrap it up in a pretty bow because you have fully dumb at and beautifully done that throughout this entire episode so thank you thank you for you being you thank you for your energy. Is there any last parting words or anything else coming forward for you that you would like to share before we close our time together. Yeah I want to meet people where they are I always you know I go into the ethers and you know I pulled down the words that want to get said you know in the moment yeah and. You know that can be expensive but I want to bring it to a super practical space like this is a these this is a couple of things that you can take with you one is that. Pleasure is the antidote to resentment so like for anyone feeling like resentful frustrated. Irritated by the way frustrated irritated resentful those three are usually. Dumbed down code for thinly-veiled rage. A lot of people with vulvas. Have thinly-veiled rage and because we're not allowed. To access that we stay in that resentful space and then things get sideways and then we want to make people pay and we want to. You know like get retribution or whatever the what I asked okay so if you give yourself pleasure and I have an exercise called a pleasure cup exercise, you do you literally you can do this on your own without my worksheet and can get my worksheet or not I don't care but if you just. Give yourself pleasure and I'm specifically talking about people with vulvas women I'm not talking about dudes, not that you don't deserve pleasure but like they're going to have they're going to get theirs they're going to get there it's going to be fun with the exception of men who are deeply people Pleasers like they can listen to this too if you're a people pleaser and you're a dude. Are you have a penis. This applies to you as well when you fill up your pleasure cup to overflowing. The things that you do in service to others will be of higher quality. You don't hurt anybody by filling yourself up with pleasure you actually serve. Even more so pleasure is the antidote to resentment and all of that other stuff I just said also this is why, so give yourself pleasure and the other thing, with that the I want to give them give the people something for the thinly-veiled Rage which is this anger is a kinetic emotion when you can have a healthy relationship with your anger that is one of the things that can help you get the things done. So when we're talking about those breaking points or those places where we're flipping out and freaking out like there is always a point where you get fed up. Ice did a major personal growth shift when I realized I was sick of hearing myself complain about my ex-husband I was like shut the fuck up like I'm so tired of you I'm tired of hearing the same broken as record that's when I that's that was the point no one else told me but it's like I got tired of it and I got angry about me complaining and violating my own standards about how I was spending my energy. It's an inside it's an inside job it's an inner game. And we cannot deprive ourselves of the kinetic energy of anger that's why we call it resent with us while we call it frustration we call it I'm a little irritated your fucking pissed, honor the fact that you pissed. And get some help to know how to express that because if you have access to that energy that's also something that that's the that's the ignition for the rocket fuel that you can use to empower and do the things that you have to do in your life, there's pussy. And emotions and like all the Yum like we can talk about that all day okay but like these are also some fundamental pieces that I have learned through my exploration of sexuality pleasure intimacy vulnerability accessing all these spaces my own personal growth work all of those things it's it goes beyond just like these 10 tips to you know be brave and transactional like statistically no yeah it's not that at all it's way more and when you do way more, you get more out of it so it's not just yeah I had an orgasm it's like oh my God my whole world changed my finances are better like my uniform I'm right orgasm yeah you can orgasm in every area of Life imagine, the residents out some more pleasure my pleasure to you that's what I that's what I leave you with at least leave Mom says Inna. Fuck you I thank you all I can say is thank you thank you again for your amazing energy your Insight your Genius your connectivity all of the things, so so so good so these 8 I do again I'm not lying like in my head I've got like oh yeah yeah so thank you thank you thank you. For those of you listening everything you need to stock work with connect to to Zuma is in the show notes we will also have links to the resources that she listed. Thank you thank you for being you thank you for being here and for those of you listening we will see you next time. Music. Thank you so much for listening to this epic episode all of the resources and links connected to it will be in our show notes located on our website more than, stop bus route.com if you like this episode which I would be shocked if you did not go ahead and hit that like subscribe review and share also remember that this episode and all others have been made possible by Financial contributions and support, from listeners like you so if you would like to hear more stories of how epic humans are more than just pop on over to our GoFundMe and make a contribution. Also don't forget to follow us on Instagram at more than just podcasts thanks again see you. Music.