More Than Just a DJ — Mary Nisi

In today’s episode, I’m joined by DJ, entrepreneur, and podcaster Mary Nisi. Together we talk about inspiration, connection, and how DJing is about so much more than just music.

Tune in to hear us discuss: 

• How having a bunch of bad bosses led Mary to start her business
• Why DJing is about way more than just music
• What inspires Mary to take up a new project
• How entrepreneurs are a different breed of person
• The best and worst things about diving into new ideas
• Parenting our autistic kids & how that makes us better at our work
• The value of doing things your way
• The power of having open conversations

🤣 LAUGH ALERT! At some spots in this episode, my laugh overpowered my mic. You don't want to miss the jokes, but apologies if you have to turn the volume down.

Links & resources:

• Follow Mary on Instagram @marynisi & @allupinmyladybusiness
• Listen to Mary’s podcast All Up In My Lady Business
• Hire Toast & Jam to DJ your Chicago wedding or event
• Follow Mel on Instagram @mel_mcsherry
• Follow the podcast on Instagram @morethanjustpodcast

🧃This episode is sponsored by ERIS, a woman-owned, Chicago-area cider company that elevates the humble Michigan apple into ciders for your enjoyment. Find their ciders at Trader Joe's, Binny's, Mariano's, Jewel & Heinen's, or visit them at 4240 Irving Park Rd. To learn more & order, visit their website or follow them on Facebook & Instagram @erischicago.

🙌 This podcast is supported by listeners like you! If you enjoyed this episode, we'd appreciate it if you could make a donation of any amount at this link. You rock!

Transcript

0:00

Hey I'm TJ listeners before we get started on this epic episode I wanted to let you know about our fantastic sponsor Eros named after the Greek goddess of chaos Eris is the brainchild of two women who wanted to bring Chicago cider drinkers on a journey to discover all that cider can be. Eris uses craft brewing tricks at a variety of adjuncts such as fruit Aroma Hops and Botanicals to elevate The Humble Michigan Apple into ciders for your enjoyment creativity is fundamental to Eros and let me tell you there are no shortcuts only the craft creation, don't wait for an invitation check with your local bar bottle shop and Trader Joe's then he's Mariano's jewels and Heinen. If you're in a local area of Chicago definitely need to eat they're located at 42 42 Irving Park Road their menu strives to be inclusive of meat lovers vegans vegetarians pescetarians and those who observe gluten-free diets let me tell you all I eat and drink there at least once a month and I cannot get enough. To learn more about them order their fantastic food or shop they're amazing merch check them out at www.airsofthero.com also don't forget to follow them on Facebook and Instagram, at arras Chicago all right I'm now hungry and thirsty but that's going to wait because now we're going to roll over into this amazing episode. Music. I'm your house smell mcsherry on this podcast we share how we are more than just descriptors and titles that identify us and our lives our. And our. In the safe common room space you'll hear stories of success and Lessons Learned From Myself and other Misfits entrepreneurs and change makers my intention is to inform connect and expand our knowledge, so we can be mentally emotionally and financially. As we create the change we desire my promise is that from each episode you'll take away not only inspiration and a connection to someone you never knew before. But also the encouragement the action steps and the support so you can create what you want. Music. Hello everyone welcome back to more than just I am your host Melnick Sherry and I am so excited to be here with one of my favorite humans Mary nisi before we dive into who she is and how she is more than just her descriptors and titles I actually want to give a little background of how I know this awesome person. So Mary and I had Mets four years ago huh it was in 2019 I know at times a flat circle. Cheese Louise all right covid-19 and we were both speaking at this awesome event for women in Tech breakfast. And it was a tedx kind of style we had seven minutes everybody had different themes. And the first thing that caught my attention about Mary was first of all that fabulous jumpsuit that you had but I think I complimented you on all the time the universe couple of this has been that one. Awesome jumpsuit and then the second was your talk because you talked to her seven minutes about how unhireable you are and how awesome that was and it was such a. True talk like I've been in the speaking circuit for you know five years since 2016 and you hear the same talks over and over again and it's always so refreshing when somebody walks into a room and they're just like hey, this is this is my story there's no fluff there's no you know like, Pomp and Circumstance is just Mmm I've been fired multiple times and that's why I'm such a badass and that actually that actually started this premise for those of you who don't know my whole intention for this podcast is to show how we are more than. Just are descriptors in titles and that there's so many facets that have helped us. Create who we are and what we've created so far and I think those stories. Get lost they get glazed over because they've been you know so narrowed down into the takeaways and the success is and the steps it's like yeah but there's more than that like. There's trials or tribulations there's extra shit on the side that we. You know live through and deal with so I'm so excited that you are here because I know you are way more than just your title and descriptor so I would love to know first and foremost marry what is the main title and descriptor that people would know you for right off the bat so what would you say your title is. First of all thank you so much for having me here that was this is that was such an epic intro well people typically know me as a DJ first and foremost, and the whole premise of your podcast is actually kind of amazing and I wish I would have thought of it because I do kind of occupy the was weird space where I do a lot of weird things. And I do a lot of things and I kind of do a most of them well and so at least the things I talked about there's a lot of things I'm very bad at but a lot of times when I talk about myself like you know I'm like oh I do this that their people look my God he did this there anything you don't do and I hear that a lot and it's and I get kind of embarrassed and it makes me, it makes me small I don't do like they're just things I do I and I and that I had to start kind of like shitting on my self-actualization, oh yeah hell yeah. Where I'm where I'm like oh I mean it's not that cool I mean I just I kind of had to kind of like bury it under, all the other things I'm bad at in order to not celebrate the things I do so and it is a I don't really while I am a DJ like if someone people describe me as a DJ but I that I there's like five other things I would say before I'm that. And maybe that's even mean making myself smaller right to anyway well that's what the event happened let's let's actually celebrate. I know that you're perfect because we're youloveit us into her led me into the next question which. You know yes you are more than DJ but also I want to celebrate that because you have made some really amazing accomplishments as not only a DJ but as a female DJ and business owner so I would love to have you just, to Iran home horn for a little bit what have you been able to accomplish as a DJ and as the founder of toast and jam. I started the company I mean as Mel said early on I kept getting fired from jobs and I started DJing weddings I was DJing on radio and I you know I started doing weddings and when I started doing one things that was when I realized like oh my god this is my life I have to do this for the rest of my life because this is like, I'm 100% good at this like there's no doubt about it like I'm really good at this and so when I started so when I started doing weddings and then when I realized I wanted to work for myself. I was like okay I'm going to start this company. And I have worked for a lot of shitty bosses when you work in like the service industry. Career service people especially like restaurants and Retail which are kind of like the kind of people that this is going to turn into a big longer treatises on labor. Go for it like a lot of people that work in those I should save this for my own podcast choir for her car I worked a lot of jobs that had shitty bosses and when you're when you're working in like retail and restaurants and stuff like that, people are transitory like the people that the workers at the people actually do who are doing the work no one's there for very long, you know they might work at a restaurant for 35 years and there are some career restaurants there's like some high-end restaurants where you work at forever but like the places I was working returning burn like. You know and there and no one's there for a very long, and so the management gets a chip on their shoulder because they have to keep trading people and they keep seeing people moving on like oh I finally got that acting job alright got that corporate job I'm gonna make a lot more money I'm gonna have benefits that I've ever felt that the management. Is just angry and beleaguered and. You know and they kind of shit that all over their employees so I've had a lot of Bad Bosses in my lifetime and I now know that I am of leader stock I want not a team player, I'm not a team player I need to run the show like that is the I am I've never been able to play a team sport. I am not very good at sports in general but I'm only the ones I'm good at are ones where it's like just me like I was a diver in high school I'm really good at skiing. You know but gotcha that's that's it this is getting way off topic but anyway I started the company has had a bunch of Bad Bosses and so my goal with this company was to not only start a company that was going to exist forever, like I wanted to have a company that was going to be because my parents had a restaurant and it closed and it was this big, black mark on my family but we lost the restaurant and I was like I'm not going to have a failing business I'm going to start this business it's going to last forever and I'm going to be the world's greatest boss like those are like my. Those were like that was my goal going in the hill you're gonna die on yeah yeah and so I took it very seriously like. You know I my family were Italians we owned a restaurant a lot of shit fell off trucks and so I always wanted to like do everything the right way like by the book and. Which is part of Reason without while whatever anyway so I started the company and I wanted to bring on people immediately I knew I didn't want to be like the Mary nisi show I wanted to be the toast and jam, show and I wanted to Bringing DJs on, I kind of made up how I did weddings anyway and so I had a training you know I was training DJs in my way and doing things the way I did them and the way I did them is actually just it's, it's a higher quality than what DJs were expected to do and I think also just having a lot of women working for me it's like. There's no ego I can't have ego I can't have you know Renegade bullshit like your we need to be in canoes are all going the same direction together so, when I started the company I was very it was very exciting when I got the first leads for not me like when, when I started getting leads for Kate and Rachel and Dustin and Kristin like people were asking for them and I'm like this is the best because. Yeah I no longer the Heats not all on me like I'm I've got other people who can do this for me. And for years I didn't take a break I was still doing 6070 weddings a year. We were all kind of doing it together in that time and I've also I've been there but I was on radio before I started toast and jam I was teaching a lot out in the community I was doing a lot of bars and clubs and. And things along those lines and then I met my husband and what I started dating him I sort of kind of trying to take a little bit less wedding so I could spend time with him because he had like a normal 9 to 5 and if I didn't take a weekend off here and there. I would never see him so I grew the business to the point where I didn't have to work. As many weddings and then once we got married and I had my son I got a full-time person in the office so I wouldn't have to do all the work in the office and then things have just kind of grown from there, that's amazing so how, I'm gonna eat your heart out more because I know your bio a little bit so you have done parties for the Obama's correctly that you have you've done some pretty major level shit yeah I did I mean the thing is like I'm not even that good of a DJ I think people just like me like I'm a good DJ like I can go from song to song and I can fix it and I can do loops and things but I'm not like perfect chicken you know what I'm not. Like that kind of deal we do a great job at events and that's the thing it's like I have no ego when it comes to the music because in some ways the music's almost secondary like what you're doing what a DJ's providing at a wedding is so much more than just, not just a DJ here yeah you're doing more and it really appeals to the stuff I'm good at I'm good at I walk into that room people listen to me I tell somebody to do something they do it like I you know I know how this event supposed to go so like this isn't where I like even though I'm not the photographer I know this isn't where the cake table goes we need to move it someplace else because right now we need to do the first dance or whatever like, and I have the confidence to like, run the show when I'm in that place and that's something that it was is into the all the other things that I like to do as well I love the entrepreneur side of being a business owner and thinking like an entrepreneur and being like an entrepreneur because you know. It's like if I have an idea I can I can just sort of see if it works and I can make it happen and if it doesn't happen Okay it didn't work that time but something else is going to stick, and I think that's so. I think that's so important because I as entrepreneurs we get so caught up in the perfectionism and I always say perfectionism is nothing but procrastination. Yeah right by drop because it's true because it's it's, we feel like we need to when we do something we do it right the first time and the thing is we don't know what we don't know right so the fun comp fun because sometimes they could be stressful as fuck but. The more you try the more you learn and some of us are designed that way you know if for those of you who don't know my geek Out tool is human design but all of us as humans in general we don't know what we don't know and I love that. You do that that you not only try things inside your business, but I'll see you try things outside of your business like your beekeeper you like not only that but you are so passionate about diversity inclusion and side of companies you have an amazing podcast all up in your lady business where you wanted to highlight how there are more things and I think more than Justice is an ongoing thing with all of us but. There are more than you know just those rich white ladies that have disposable income telling you how to do your job and like there's other resources and other things. So when you get inspired. By something what is is there a general theme that inspires you to do something or for you to take up. Either a new hobby or a new Venture like what seems to kind of be that like light bulb moment you know honestly like that's a really good question. And. I feel like I am always looking for connection now that I'm thinking about it like I'm always looking. Four ways for people to come together. I feel like the word authentic has like lost its meaning in some ways but in an authentic way like you know like dancing there's nothing more primal. I mean every have you ever been just moved to dance. Like by yourself is this morning I was making breakfast like it's funny I was watching the Grammys last weekend just to date this episode but last week and I was watching the Grammys and but by myself I was sitting on my couch watching the Grammys and like. The silk Sonic did the opening number and I literally was moved to stand up in front of my couch by myself and I just like dance by myself and I felt like the most middle-aged lady in the history of all time like I'm just bringing out to the opening of the Grammys and I was like I felt kind of stupid but I couldn't stop myself and, I think it it has I think part of it was because I was like like it was like being at a live show, and in some ways you're just like seeing people on stage like one of the things that was robbed from me particularly during the pandemic is I love going to see live shows like that's I love going to see bands live like and losing that like. The thing about about shows is that you can't do anything else no you're not on your phone while a band is 10 feet from you playing. You know like you're right you are watching them you're engaging with them you're going you're either going to the bathroom getting a drink your it is an activity where you are not on your phone where you are. It for like the 40 minutes they're playing you know you're you're you're nowhere else. And I don't know why I got on that anyway but mention right because I feel like we have lost that sense of connection because especially during the pandemic we had nothing, but social media to stay not only connected to our family members but you know the outside, World unless you had a partner a child who was like you were really connected to them for that time. I agree I think they're I think that kind of did two things right it made us recognize how much we were disconnecting ourselves while trying to be connected to people as well as how much that connection, is needed to be like to just feel normal and grounded and happy yeah, I mean and I feel like dancing brings people together this party's you're doing you don't we never did that like DJing over the Internet during the pandemic like I am, live or else like but you know when I a couple of years ago in 2017 I bought a building and I started a co-working space within it. And called a sand and that when I started the co-working space I was like this is going to bring people together it's going to provide a space in the community for people to come and work and I would have parties and things like that and then I sold the building and close the build the business down and then like literally I close the business down and clench sold the building on December 31st to 2021. And then a week later I recorded my first episode of the podcast I look at that now and I'm like what was my where was the fire like what why didn't I just take a couple of months off to like you know Revel in this and like literally in the midst of all of this I got sober I quit drinking in September of last year and I feel like my sobriety like - drinking I'm California sober as they say but but you know quitting drinking I mean I've gotten more done I feel like it's like this I quit drinking and all of a sudden a long longer have this like a monkey on my brain I'm like other things that I could have been doing beating like a fire hose of ideas and productivity which is weird but also not surprising for me yeah. But even the podcast like so the podcast is all done my lady business is Lady business like women in business like when you are a business owner like. When you're a business owner in general that's a that is a different breed of person like that is. I've never met an onion or that's like I'm like everybody else like there it's not that I'm able to branch office where the Misfits yeah. Like exactly we like that's why I kept getting fired from things like I wasn't meant to. Work for other people and luckily I had the education and privilege and other things that could lead me to be able to turn this into something you know that was productive in the world instead of some self self-sabotaging you know. Whatever although I have to say that I when I when I watch the movie nomadland I was like wow that seems. Kind of amazing to just like drive around a fuck it pick some pics of Beats for a month and then I go work at an Amazon facility and then like. Finger pick in the desert like there was there's part of that didn't sound very compelling we actually I was at I was at a wedding networking event a couple weeks ago and being a couple of me and like for planners we're standing there we were kind of like, so what would you do if you can if you can quit your job and become anything what would you do and I was like barista. And they were like and they were like I would run we're talking about like the dumb jobs we'd have we're like somebody else's our boss and we don't have to like actually take like you know we don't have to. I do that I do that all the time of I was a barista so I worked in I lived in Seattle and so shockingly I was super Easter for four years I was also been a bartender and a cocktail server. And there are some days as much as I love what I do and love my business of like man I would just love to go in and just shoot the shit and sling coffee or sling beers. Walk out with you know my 250 500 bucks or maybe a hundred bucks if it's a slow night and then two notes and and the done and. II wanted to say that I do because I know we all think that that had know which way reform but lessens your. Drive or even just your connectivity to being an entrepreneur I think being an entrepreneur has been so bastardized into this, it's you know this is who you are and this is all you do and you know if you don't do it 110% then you're a fuck all and it's really just like now there's so many different degrees of what it means to be, entrepreneur and whatever you your degree is on that given day or year or week or whatever. Is awesome like and I love it even with your journey the fact that you know, it's kind of like mine we both tried it and the corporate world I lasted like any bit after bartending all of that I lasted in a corporate gym for a year and a half and I was like this is stupid I work in a marketing company no wheat but we had a choice yeah t need to know what you don't want right. Mmm Yeah so I think I mean everything I feel like I do is about like is about like community and connection and like that spark in someone's eye when you like are talking and you like me too me too like. Feeling like oh my God like I have a new best friend like that kind of connection is hard to find but when you find it it's like addictive and he just want to like find more of it yeah. And the only way that we can find those connections is when we share how we are other stories right like. Share that I know you mirror this as well I have made so many more connections when I started being more vocal about my son being autistic. And having that as part of something that I work with every single day as a primary caregiver as a business owner and I used to not be very vocal about that cuz I didn't want to use it as clout and also that was something that I was still kind of you know working through. Yeah the more that I am vocal about it the more other people like. That was the part that connected with me because I now like they were saying I now feel seen because. Somebody else has that also on their plate and I think I mean would you say that's probably one of your. One of your things in regards to you know the fact that you have your fingers and so many different kinds of cookie jars of hobbies like they fill those different buckets right mmm and I think also it's like. I've been in therapy for a million years, and I think that by being in therapy it lessens the load of the things on my mind and it makes the things that are important clearer. And so therefore I have more I don't know if this is the only space Maybe space is the right word but like a desire you know for more and a desire because because it's like I don't have to think through like. You know like the time I spend dwelling on that fucked-up thing my sister said to me. Three years ago maybe would have made me I would have just stood on it for weeks now I'm just like I don't care like it like it's not me has nothing to do with me so I don't I have the bandwidth to think about these things and you know in some ways like. I'm able to work things out with in the jobs that I've chosen like I've had like shitty Saturday's where I wake up and I'm just like fuck it I do not want to celebrate Dan and Michelle tonight like I don't want to do their wedding I'm not you know I'm not in the right place you know like I'm just so angry about you know and I roll in and then I start setting up. And then I have a great conversation with the caterer and then you know me and the photographer like you know gossiped about all of a sudden it's like. Yeah and then they walk in and I'm like Bruno Mars song - Bruno Mars coming up so much this conversation, and so it's like you know I'm yeah and he's everywhere I mean let's be fair Bruno Mars can do no wrong yes. Yeah but right anyway I it's it's it's like the things I do I try to like they're not bummers you know you know like it yeah it's like I try to engineer my life towards things that are fun I love having fun I'm a fun-loving I'm an aquarius you know what can I say I think that's a really big, I think for me is that big takeaway so far of. That you know you need to have you can't just funnel yourself into one descriptor or one thing or one, you know yes you can own a business but that isn't your entire life that I can't be your entire life because not only are you sacrificing, your mental and emotional profitability which I talked about a lot but also. There are so many things outside of you that could have actually help you inside of your business I was talking I'd virtual coffee with an amazing woman the other day and, she was talking about how she has this you know entrepreneurial baby but she's also going through a shit ton of personal stuff and she feels. Bad that she can't just switch off and focus on his entrepreneurial baby. And I said well the nice thing about babies I was like is that you know there's also a pregnancy before you have a baby right so maybe this is just the gestation phase of your business and you need to go through these things to learn to grow so that you can have that extra information and you know nurturing and all of that stuff so we're on your ready to birth this entrepreneurial baby, you have gone through all these things to actually be able to add more 2 and 1/2 its life to its birth and she's like I never even thought of that because we are so taught that when you have an idea, you need to just start going for it and you know you need to keep working on it and you can't let it go but that's like life isn't like that and it shouldn't be like that because we have aren't. We aren't promised anything so why would you sacrifice. Six years so you could enjoy your last 60 that makes no sense to me and I love that you especially and I others do because you're on the show right now you especially find those things that. Keep you excited that keep you engaged like we you know you and I have had conversations. Not only about the autism mom but even being white privileged women who are business owners and how can we utilize. Our platform to amplify. Others because we're you know we're recognizing that we're learning that and I love that everything that you learn you just want to. Dive Right In and yeah it's interesting it's like that your friend you were just talking about where the gestation period like I never let there be a gestation period it's almost like. I have an idea and I just wanted to be a teenager like actually what I'm thinking girl because I could have I could I could hang with you control a little bit, yeah like he's that it's just I don't like I try to just force thing like it's I don't need the gestation period I I come in Whole Hog I don't like I think about all like even the room I'm sitting in you know like my podcast my I bought a podcast mixer with a really nice pot like two years before I finally started doing the podcast. Like I'm not the person who's really let me start recording it into my laptop and then see you know I'm going to do I'm going to have a nice I'm having exactly so that when I do and it's going to like be perfect and I've got a teleprompter over there I've got two microphones and I just it's like I. I've had all of this before I had you know so but I do think there's also like. The other like there are some people think that are that start a business and they start that business and that's their only business and then they retire at 65 and a half and. Have their lives and then I but I think most people who like start businesses it's like they start their business and then it works in them that it's going along with the kids can I do like I because I don't. My husband off well oftentimes feel like we're like why can't you just be cool with the thing you have right now and I'm like no I felt very seen by even it was about different things but the song Satisfied from Hamilton, seriously ahead oh hell yeah just watch the other day for like I know it's like that's what I put on when I like don't want to have to concentrate on watching but not Harry Potter I watch him. Yeah I'm Harry Potter's taking and we're only on what we just watched movie for like I'm having the books followed like we're what anyway but like I'm never satisfied like I kind of maybe at some point I'll be satisfied but I just kind of like doing new things and. You know doing them well but you know. It's where the bees kind of came in well so for those people who do like to just jump in and just be like I have an idea let's go for which I completely honor that for anybody well would you say. Is there any words of. I was a caution but words of advice for those people of like or maybe words of encouragement so my words of encouragement that's kind of like what my specialty is is words of encouragement. I feel like a lot of the times when I talk to, other women business owners or people who be like I have an idea for a thing but it's the encouragement that they're lacking because I think that when. And there was a woman there someone at Angelina or Angelica, anyway she had posted a thing on a woman's group of moms group she's like I've got this idea for a business but like I have nobody I know as a business person and like I don't know if it's a good idea or not and I just would love to talk to somebody I'm like. For some reason it caught me and I was like you know what I yeah I own a bunch of businesses I've been pretty successful like. You know I've been trying to get into coaching that's something that I've been curious about like and so I just talked to I talked to her for one hour, and just was like that she told me her idea and I was like this is a great idea she's like it is no one said it to me I don't like it is a great idea and. Here's the five reasons why it's a good idea and she was like and and so within like three weeks she had a website. She had like five clients she had pricing she had she had the whole she had the whole business like together in like three maybe a month. And it's a thriving business like she's posting about it all the time and it was just like in time and I'm not going to say like it's all because of me that that happened but. I think she just needed someone to believe in her and no one around her was or she didn't feel comfortable. Speaking freely about the idea because of the keeping yourself small like not it's hard to brag about yourself it's hard to like you know. And she had two kids or she had a kid she was pregnant when we had this conversation and she was like very pregnant like I want to say she was like seven months pregnant or something when we were having a conversation. The fact that she didn't even tell me on the call. Like it was crazy like like it was it was so ancillary like the fact that she was saying is pregnant like, it was just like she was just like I had this business idea I'm about to give birth in three months but I want to give birth to another baby to prior to that reason and that idea that that person likes like it's not that it's not that she doesn't care about her child is not that it doesn't, but like that maybe it's inside me doesn't that come up for three months I've got some time to write and that's kind of how I operate to you know like. Hey friend like in the episode Pretty epic isn't. Well guess what this episode and all others have been made possible by financial support and contributions from listeners like. So if you would like to continuously here how these epic humans are more than just go ahead and head over to our GoFundMe and make a contribution cool. All right let's get back to the magic again going back to the seam of connection right you need to connect to people. Who are like you and the only way that you can find those people is if you. Yourself like you don't you don't try to fit yourself into a moles we're like going back to that's why I really love the tool human design because that shows us how we are, every single one of us is unique it's like a quote you know you're special like everybody else but your your foundational design is unique nobody else can have it, however there are pockets and pieces where others fit in what either you are not so much in or have the same desires and passions but maybe just that different way of thinking and it's finding those fellow Misfits those you know those fellow entrepreneurs and change makers and having those conversations of like. I am don't let its oh God I don't know why that line just came I was like don't let anybody do your shine sorry to just throw up toss to pause to the audio but it's kind of true like if you have a way of doing things like how you do stuff Mary is definitely different than how I do stuff however we're both just as passionate. And just as connected and we connect on other things and we respect each other's way of how we process how we work all of that jazz. And I think that's so important in any Circle in any Community is just understanding and appreciating our differences and seeing how they like Tetris in with each other of how does that make. How does that make what we want to do stronger as well as you know in order to learn that in order to have these conversations. Being more open and authentic because he's a light again but you know be more vulnerable in other line that we're using a tub but it's true of just how can we be more human let's just make it basic like how could we get back to being more human and less about, shit that we see on social media the perfect way to do something in the perfect process the perfect Journey because none of us none of us no matter how many times people scream it on whatever platform none of us have that answer we just have resources and space and I think that is super important and that was important to her from you is that she just had that space. To be heard and be seen and be recognized because that's massive. Yeah I mean and I also I mean Mel I'll just ask you this as you're saying this one of the things I've been kind of sitting thinking about while I have been, well you didn't saying that is like I wonder how much of our personal you and me comes from having sensory child comes from having a child with autism because like I will say like having. Having my having an autistic child has definitely changed the way that I especially when I'm dealing with him because I have to everything is so different. With him. And but the thing is though is that I he's just going to therapy to death that I've read a thousand books and I've read all the Articles and I've had so many reports done on him that I've read and under you know like. So I have to come at everything with him differently I can't just like I Came John I both came from a long line of yellers and you know like we both, you know real that it's like the show kr1 what do I need to do because there could be violence on the other side of not really but like that wooden spoon right I look at other people now to through the same lens so sometimes people do things that seem like things that Sebastian does and I'm like. Oh I bet that person's got some sensory stuff okay so I need to think differently like I kind of kind of. Look at the way I treat it's helped my management and my leadership style is because now I'm actually looking at things, I look at people from a much more sensitive place of. Okay like that that looks like some ADHD stuff and I know they're not gonna finish this the way that you know and I'm sure you resonate with this too. We're constantly played Detective of like okay how can I connect the dots to where my child I can process this correctly because Max needs. His context and the only way and the best context you can have is this something that he has already experienced you can't do broad-stroke strokes with him if he hasn't experienced it it's not going to bronze us. So it's trying to connect the dots of okay remember when you were with Grandma and this happened and then that and then here that's why and you can see him walking through it and so I think that definitely, one that has helped me. And you know in the work that I do is a guide because I I need to see how you process, and I support how you process it is giving you that space to word vomit and walk me through it like if I say I say walk me through it probably a million times a day because I know that I I can't just bulldoze in I need to know your process and also with time I don't know how Sebastian is with time but Max is like you need to know what time shift starts, what time is over how are you know timers that's all that stuff so that's actually helped me with my time management of if I tell him I'm done at 11 like he's home tomorrow from school and I have certain things to do I'm gonna walk him through my schedule and if I'm going to be late I need to communicate with him that I'm going to be late and I need to know how much I'm going to be late I can't do broad strokes but it's that to of like. Knowing that. Many people are aware that we're all different but really understanding how different especially neuro Divergent brains are but all of our brains in general. It's that patience with each other of. I can't just jump in and tell you how to do something like I could and that might land but it might not so why not take the extra time ago. All right this is what I said walk me through it what's you know talk to me about this and I think that's that's really helped me as a human in my personal life as well with my partner of just like communication and asking questions and. Instead of just saying I have an answer and then like blue and like attacking somebody with it. Sebastian has been warned about everything like he has to know what's going to happen before it happens. He doesn't like surprises unless they're fun surprises like if I surprised him with a donut that's a great be surprising that you're no longer going somewhere like for instance we're going on. You know then that's yeah yeah yeah that's a great surprise. But like you know for like we're going on vacation on Saturday and it's like all right Sebastian guess what you're not gonna look at a screen for a week and I've been warning him about the fact he's not going to have a screen. For a week and here's the thing he'll be fine with it because I warned about it for a week beforehand and talk about yeah so it's that kind of. You know like not that that's the only kind of thing but it's just it's like everything it's like although I will say this is kind of funny is that last Friday was April Fool's Day. And for April Fool's a bunch of the moms we all got our kids passes to climb Zone and but we all told our kids they were going to the doctor. Are like in various other things like they were like they were going to go to the doc I told Sebastian he was going to the doctor but then I'm a terrible liar and one of his friends was coming with us because his mom couldn't be there to take them and so she's like why is Benjamin coming if I'm going to the doctor and I'm like oh well Benjamin is gonna drive over with us and then I'm going to drop you and Dad off and then I'm going to take that it was like this horrible lie but anyway we're driving we're driving over to climb Zone and I'm like oh by the way Sebastian you're getting three shots when you get there it was like the worst thing that I could have said to him like I was trying to make this as like awful as possible like you're getting three shots when you get there and he's like why three of them and I'm like that's just the age you're at and Benjamin's like man I stop getting that money and then we roll up to the to the climbs and I'm like oh by the way Sebastian the shots you're getting our laser shots from the laser guns of the laser tagging. That made the shot thing okay anyway if I would have done that a long back, he probably out of Sebastian did this but probably throughout the day he come up to me ghost so we're really not going to the doctor's I really don't have to get shots like he would need reassurance that this was. A joke yeah jokes and sarcasm with Max don't really oh sister no thank you. It's taken a while to get Sebastian to get Sebastian there but it will let me roll it up he's like so wait a minute Benjamin playing laser tag and the needed. But I will say a bunch of the other kids also where were confused they kept going with wait a minute I'm not going to the dentist and so I was like Auntie kids to they also don't I think that does work in parallel with even just. You know, with us as you know Special Needs Moms autism bombs we still need to push our push our kids right like because they're in a a typical world and. They need to learn how to process and how to adapt and I know for me it's so easy to again, you know like we were talking about before I get in this funnel of like okay I'm just going to keep his schedule the way that it is all the time not deviate and like keep them in this like kind of bubble. And I do catch myself you know like starting to do that a little but also I have to remind myself he's I don't want him to live with me forever and he's not gonna live with me forever so he needs to experience, these outside situations. To know how to get through it and how to process and I'm that helped again that helps to of that connectivity of you know. Even with he with meltdowns on video games walking him through okay where does this really register on areas of disappointment like this is a game that you can do over. That you can try again at this isn't you know this isn't horrible so yes you can definitely be frustrated but this level. Not needed so we need to figure out how to dial this down to where you can kind of see where this fits in the line of disintegration. I see I think I know where you're going with this is where it's like you're you have to kind of do the same thing with like your clients and things like that where it's where you're talking in your sleep in your eye like they're your autistic child and you're like, you know spelling like I'm so I'm warning you about this thing like you know it's like you and I think also I mean you and I have another unique kind of thing because we're not only autism moms but we're autism moms and we only have one kid. And I feel like we're really twice anomaly we're twice exceptional in that way yeah it's like I mean because I think that something I fall into, is that I don't know how much it was and this conversation is very more into this kind of stuff but whatever I thought I kind of Wonder like because I only have one kid only have one thing I'm comparing him up against like I don't really know. What is like where the autism begins and ends like we're like what's normal eight-year-old behavior and what is you know his ADHD or his. Is autism is like I want to pathologized like every Behavior but that's not what it is not everything is something I can I can fix with a therapist you know some things are just like yeah but I think that's true for. For just humans in general I get of like you know we all have our quirks right and there's only so much that we can diagnose or we can categorize or we can. I don't want to use the term fix but adjuster work with or what have you and I think that probably helps you and me, outside of being but can see I'm like I only have one child I'm only having one child and I say I have you know neurotypical nieces and nephews but also their parents are wired differently than these so I can't even compare can't do that because it's apples and oranges but it's also a reminder that you know we all have these. Quirks and a try to Siloam us into these things of like he's autistic so he must do acts why is that or their neurotypicals so they must accomplish X Y Zed it's just like. Let's just see people as yes everybody has identifiers and yes everybody has quirks and facets and things but it's. Us as an in tires and as an entire entity that really. And I think that's what's important instead of trying to pick apart people like oh they're this or oh they're that or oh he's this it's like he's this adds, you know this is what I've learned in this is the stuff that he brings to the table and or any you know any person that has any sort of you know a disability or disorder. It's it's having again going back to having those connective conversations of. How we have these other things and how this is what has helped not only you know helped us maneuver and a different way so I know I definitely run my business way differently after Max's diagnosis than I did before I'm a different person now it's helps me actually find new passions and new things that I want to do because he gets you know hyper fixated on something and then I kind of see like how much he gets determined by it how much it just you know it excites him and reminding me that I have those things to you that I've put aside that I haven't done, and so I think it is all circling back to you know having these connections and having these conversations, as well as learning from experiences before like coming all the way back to you know you learned that you don't want to work for anybody else because their bills sucks and you learned that you want to run things you are way so with that information, you decided how you wanted to run toast and jam you didn't want your employees to be followers you wanted them all to be. Leaders and be unique and be their own people and you you not only. Teach them that but you also are an example of that like this is yes this is how I want to do it and because of maybe a little help from Sebastian you now notice a okay but. How would you do it or what would you you know show me how you would want to run this and that and it entail has expanded who you are as a person who you are as a leader and who you are as an entrepreneur agreed. I think that's kind of peace out brother the tail head but I did want to quickly just circle back again you have an amazing podcast mhm yeah all up in your lady business I would love for you to, talk more about that and if there is any and as well as any other Avenue that you would love people to connect with you on or get to know you on sure so yeah I started it has cast its the Confluence of having it together and losing my shit is sort of the thesis statement for it but really it's just, women are very Dynamic and we are you know I think that business has been. It's like one of the things that kind of really bums me out when I hear it is like you know it's not personal its business and it's like well my person my business is always a little personal like I can't I can't separate the two. And I think that that is an idiom or a thing that people say, I think it was obviously invented by a man because a woman would never make that up and I think it I think that it allows people to make shitty decisions for this quote-unquote greater good that isn't necessarily good. Hmm you know what I mean like it's like you're doing business like you're a salesperson and your biggest client starts fucking your wife. Is that personal you know like are you about the thing is I bet that there's guys who are like well the best account so I'm going to keep them as a client you know like it's you know yeah like you know I may be fucking your wife is too strong of a example but it's like I've spent my entire business being told that I take things too personally, and I have had to be I've had to beat that shit because I am I my you know the number of times I've been told you make everything about you and it's like well who else am I supposed to fucking make it about, you know like I don't my livelihood you know like there's only so much I can do for the employee where I need to start making it about me in some capacity and so it's basically exploring all of the shit people don't necessarily talk about in. Their lives and while all of these things were happening to me I was running a business a successful business a very successful business sometimes multiple businesses business business I and so so it's just kind of breaking it down and it's my podcast is what's been kind of amazing about it is I've started it out like I know I've only done like nine episodes and so I think we're ready 20th season is our plan and I haven't had a ton of a plan going in which is, normal for how I run businesses but it's not normal for how you run podcast I think and I am a perfectionist in a not good way like I'm not in like Anna I'm a perfectionist like I'm a perfectionist things I don't it's not cool for me and so it's been very interesting being like I'm going to try this out and see how it goes, and what's been interesting is I've gotten such a good response from it like the DMs I get have been amazing like I wish I could use them in my marketing but I don't want to because they're feel personal because I got ego boosters, yeah certainly back once again you did it your way and. There's no wrong way to divert I'm such a plea there's no wrong way to do something it's what makes you. Comfortable quote-unquote and at what works best with your time your personality your energy and. I love La I am I doing my own little bit opposite yeah because my time and my energy at my way of work is way different and I'm not going to compare. What Maya podcast does for you know the collective or for myself to you because we're two different people doing it two different ways. And I love that like I love that you write you Embrace how you work you own it. And that's how you work I embrace how I work I owed it and it works like I think it's I love that I love that you make but I think doing things by the book what unquote has been a thing that's kept entrepreneurs down like people that have had ideas but they didn't do it I didn't know how to or whatever like again that's keep bringing this back to the Grammys but I am a psycho about the Grammys the Billy Porter was on the red carpet. And he's like yeah I used to you know like in the 90s and stuff I early 2000s I was doing like. You know I was like the bad guy number two on a cop show just to like get work or whatever. And then once he like kind of came out his as big Billy Porter authentic self that was when the roles and the money and the influence Roldan was when he started being like himself and I need a different word that authentic because that word is kind of. It's a little bit I know Randy on me but it's true though and I feel like that's kind of. Like it is even I feel so dumb even saying like on my podcast I am I authentic self and that's maybe why people are liking it is because I'm actually just. Being who I am I'm not like you guys did Journal your way to happiness or you know do your morning pages and that'll let you know the thing is out there right journaling helps journaling is definitely like a great thing to do but it's not the only thing so how does a lot of this like you go girl or like boss bitch boundaries and all these other things all those big words and it's like it all kind of has this haul this false. Ring to it to me I don't know why and I'd kept my finger on it either on what I have a hard time with but like I don't know, I feel like with you and me what you see is what you get, and I don't think I wish more people could be like that just a bunch of authentic vulnerable nerves walking around the world crying on each other's shoulders and honestly the more that People Like Us do share our stories and create platforms like this and the more conversations that we can have again going back to connectivity having a new conversations with other people and open conversations I think that's more the word for me is that of Authentics just open conversations. And not thinking that you have to only mention certain things because you're talking to somebody at a networking event or you know not going into conversations with a context or an angle it's more of that openness and awareness of I have a lot of. I love bits and Bobs and this person does too so let's see where we connect and where we don't and what conversations that we. Can have because it's never one trick pony it's never a linear Journey it's never anything that again it's almost like shoved down our throats or just repetitively fed to us on social media on entrepreneur even an entrepreneurial conferences on podcasts on other you know other resources like this do these five things and you two can make 60k in 60 Seconds and you know it's like I think about like there are times when I talk to you in all you'll be ringing in my head for days after like I'll think like Mel said that thing and it kind of like, I think about that a lot and I get that a lot to like I get people who will come to me and be like you know I thought a lot about that thing you said to me last time we talked I get that a lot. I have to imagine you do too and I think it's because you understand people who are like I had a really messy C-section when I get to the you like talking like a group of dudes and you're like and it just sort of comes up and it's like well I guess I'm talking about this because this is what's in my head right now and it's relevant to the conversation in the moment but it almost always leads even on kind of say something like gross or weird or the wrong continent like not a thing that a normal woman would say to a group of of men all get pulled aside three months later my Revenue but a contract I'd like, you know you mentioned that thing about your C-section I went back and talked to my wife because she had one turns out you guys help the same way I had no idea that she had such PTSD over that and it's like okay well I just I just repaired a wreck your marriage you didn't know you have. I love it and I love that success that's a perfect example of like you never know what changes you make by having open conversations and you don't always have to know, it's to continue, have them again with all the things that I've been really more open about on my social media you know I my posts and things like that you know I, I talked about how I you know I left a good marriage good marriage and it wasn't abusive it wasn't anything it was just not the right one and how many people have come forward I mentioned it I mentioned in my book people after they broke my book being like. I left my partner or I decided to leave this relationship and, they bought that book thinking that they were going to get you know what entrepreneurial profit plan it's deeper than that because it's not just to your point it is personal and it's business and there's personal things that affected and the more that we are open about our experiences about our stories about how we are more than just X Y Zed the more people can be like ah there it is like, I feel seen I feel heard I have something that I can connect to well Miss Mary this forever right I know right I have so so so enjoy this and I'm so grateful that not only are we connected and so many ways that but that you I said yes to be on the show and share more how you're more than just EJ and as well as just what. What is your biggest Drive which is to be open and the quote-unquote authentic and that's shown in so many areas not only in your business toast and jam and the types of you know people that work with you and for you and the amazing diversity of the events that you do but also you know with your podcast and with your services of wanting to support you know other entrepreneurs and really help them be who they want to be and show them how it is possible with the right resources so Plus or beekeeping Pleasures then like you're just all around and even get to the beekeeping so I guess not to come back sometime and talk about. But again y'all if you would like to connect with Mary it no more about her everything will be in the show notes connected to this episode. And thank you again so much very for being a part of this and we will definitely be chatting soon but thank you for sharing how you are more than just a DJ and how you continuously. Just add to the environment through the collective and to the spaces that you are in thank you so much. All right folks once again thank you so much for listening to this epic episode all of the resources and links connected to it will be in our show notes located on our website more than. Stop bus route.com if you like. Episode which I would be shocked if you did not go ahead and hit that like subscribe review and share. Also remember that this episode and all others have been made possible by Financial contributions and support from listeners like you so if you would like to hear more stories of how epic humans are more than just pop on over to our GoFundMe and make a contribution. Also don't forget to follow us on Instagram at more than just podcasts thanks again see you. Music.